Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Going home.....

I have had a very wonderful time with family. Though I have missed my mountain home, and am ever so glad to be headed in that general direction tomorrow, I will miss my "family" when I am in Tennessee. I love my three nephews beyond measure...they have developed into such great human beings, and of course, I will miss my sisters. I miss everyone of course, my Mom, my brother in law, my older neices and nephews and their kids.....but there is something about sisters that is very special. My sisters are twins and I find the interaction between them interesting.....and very special. They are identical twins and though they certainly look different now........they are one person in two bodies a lot of the time. They finish each others sentences, they say the same things, they buy the same stuff....maybe this use to happen more then it does now......but it does happen. And sometimes.......we, all the three of us.....know what the other one is thinking, talk at the same time.....and I note that some folks just shrug. They have no idea what we are all talking and giggling about. Today.....one's husband was on my mind....he walked through the door unexpectedly........and they both screamed. You had to be there.....but it is a memory that will make me laugh for a long while.........just thinking of it now....I get a smile on my face. I write this post on a computer that is not mine....so I do not have access to my photos......in a few days.....I'll post some photos of "my family." It is special. My recent loss, of a good friend who was "like family" makes me want to hold onto, embrace, and squeeze tight those who are closest to me. And, it is my sisters....and the gifts they have given me. I do have four lovely nieces, a fantastic brother and sister in law....but again, sisters.....are just something else!!!!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Day

It was a good day......I talked to a number of people....we laughed and cried and remembered our friend. We got a bit mad too......suicide is so selfish.....really, when you think about it. What could I have done, what could I have said to have made this dear man happier......helped him not to feel so desperate. If only I would have called that morning instead of waiting until this morning. And then of course, one must accept that we all have our own paths and Ken did what he felt he had to do. I will miss him for a very long time. He and I were working on a big project together....still in the planning stages of printing paperwork, and making reports and getting the details together for a fundraiser. I don't know about any of this....Ken knew about all of it and was going to teach me. Not to mention he was a master at raising and managing cash, the flow etc............ahhhhhhhh geez. I will really miss him, I cannot replace him, I will just have to trust the Universe to lead me down the road into the next big mystery...........

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Spirit of Christmas

What is that.....what does it mean? Those of you who follow this blog, know that I have struggled with the energy of "getting into it." I did, though, get to Florida, have been around family and most specifically a bunch of great kids. My sister's planned a wonderful Christmas Eve gathering. It was all looking good..........

My sister Kim, unfortunatly, had a miserable migraine, one which put her to bed. I have never seen my sister in such pain, and it was a terrible feeling not to be able to "do anything" for her. I am always trying to "fix" everything, and this time I could not.

Still, we carried on, the kids opened the pajamas they know they will get from Grandma/Nana and loved them......smiles on faces. Then we all packed up so the house could be quiet for the miserable migraine. I don't know if you have ever had one, but it is a feeling I cannot quite explain, you cannot move, think, or even sleep. A most terrible pain.....until it passes.

Then, on the way home, I recieved a call that will forever change my life. One of my friends, so despondent, so unable to deal with the "holiday spirit" took his life. I am empty, void of feeling at this moment. Only thoughts, if only I had called this afternoon when he passed through my mind......we had plans and I wanted to remind him of them. I knew he was fragile, and thought I would wait until Christmas day....to make sure he knew he was loved. And now, it is too late.
Do you hear me Ken. ARe you floating around me.....do you know how much you meant to me?
Do you understand that though I am sad I am also angry that you could be so selfish. You mean so much, we had so much to do, you were such a special person......one I will never be able to replace in my life. You gave me more than I had ever expressed to you.....you were one of my best friends, I had grown to love our conversations and looked forward to so much more. I will miss you so very very much........when I pass through this void.....I hope that I will find a way to carry on the good that you had given to our tiny community in the mountains.

I admire, respect and love you Ken Porterfield. I trust in death, you will find peace. Meanwhile, I will shed a tear and miss you for a very long while................

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas/Holiday Spirit

I have had a bit of a difficult time getting into the holiday spirit. Somehow the commercialism of it all, and sometimes the expectations......get to me. I am about to go and visit family, where I know the children will help to get me "into the mood." It is, for the most part (and I've heard many a parent say), for the kids. The expectation of SantaClaus, the smiles and shouts of joy in the morning ARE all events that make me smile when I think of Christmas' past, and the one to come.

All of these "feelings" gave me a moment of pause as I drove to work this morning.....I began to think of what this time of year is really like for me. It is an ending....therefore I reflect. Today and many days, it is GRATITUDE that comes to mind. I'm grateful for lots and lots of things and do try to focus on this most days. It occurred to me, however, that there are many things and people I am grateful to, and for various reasons, I do not have an opportunity to acknowledge to them this fact. Some will read this, some won't, some have passed on, yet I thought it would be a good acknowledgement for them and a good exercise for me if I jotted them down:
I'm grateful to Kell for bringing me to these mountains
I'm grateful to Terri for Chicory coffee, super sweet at 4 inthe afternoon
I'm grateful to Justin for my little Delilah
I'm grateful to my Nana for her accordian and playing "Babes in the Woods" over and over again
I'm grateful to my Aunt Sandy for being the "cool Aunt" I hope I am most times
I'm grateful to Aunt Mary for her "wildness," and for my present day dislike of canned fruit salad
I'm grateful to Fount for teaching me about the "old ways" here
I'm grateful to my Father for "talks" while we drove in the car
and to all the folks who have touched my life at various times and in various way, living or dead, who I have neglected to mention here.....I'm just grateful that you gave me space in your life..........

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Winter weather....

I dearly love the change of seasons...growing up in Southern California, though we did have seasons, they were certainly not as pronounced as what I experience here in East Tennessee. The first few winter's I was here, we had a bit of snow, it was cold, and I took to it like a fish to water. I walk my dog everyday, we don't even care if a bit of snow falls. Then came the winter of 2007.........I was completely caught off guard, ran out of wood, could not split the wood I got, could not keep the stove going. I gave up and put blankets up to close off my living room and bedroom and moved in to the center of my cabin and used electric heat. Thank goodness the power never went out.

Winter 2008........long, lot's of snow. Though I was prepared wood wise, figured out how to keep the outflow of my water draining, so as to prevent the bathtub from overflowing....I forgot to mention that in '08. I thought I was okay. Then, it snowed, and snowed and snowed. And, with snow and the freezy nights come ice. I did not get out for almost 9 days. I did, indeed, go a bit stir crazy......just ask Meggie:)

2009.....things looking good as I have an office closer to town now. I can stay here when weather gets rough, and I did several times. 2009 felt a little "better."

Well now here we are in 2010. I'm at the office....good....and I have been since Sunday. Did I mention I am having a party on Friday night. Barely have an ornament up. Oh, and the pipes froze here at the office, and poor old Delilah and I both slipped off the porch. We were not hurt but must have been a sight!!! It is icy out there yet but I am hopeful and I am sooooo hoping to get home tonight......I really want to put on a dress and have that party...........

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Monday, December 6, 2010

holiday stress.....

Do you suffer from holiday stress? I generally, like to "appear" But, of course, I do. And on top of trying to get to a lovely town where I might do some shopping, ie Asheville I have this, may I be so blunt, damn lid scenario, which is preventing me from getting orders out, mind you I ordered them before Thanksgiving.....they were on the way, oh...sorry, they were never shipped, oh.....they are shipped, oh, sorry they really weren't, oh, now they definatly are, they arrive, they are the wrong cap, meanwhile, another case shipped, it is 4:30 on Monday, they still are not here............another day of production gone to crap!!! I think I have it all planned out to a T.....ya know, and then life happens. Well..........to use a Southern term, with a bit of inflection mind you, Well............I am just trying to "buck up" and move on. I do, however, have an employee who could, and would, love to be working this week. grrrrrrrrrrr.....alas, as she so wisely said, shit happens. Tomorrow.....digging through the muck......:) still smiling........

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Stories....

I have a wonderful friend who thinks that I am incredibly funny. She often suggests that one day she will pull together a book of all my stories. I am hoping to make this blog a place where I share my personal, as well as professional insights, which seem always wrapped in some sort of "story."

The craziest thing, often when I sit down to write......I go completely blank. I assume this is writer's block...............dang it!! In the future.....when they hit me, I shall write.

The latest "happy place" in my business world has been Facebook. I have found it to be the most useful tool..........I had thought it would even phase out my blog....but learned, from another wise woman, that one must diversify. So...blogging. My big amazement with Facebook has been my MoonMaid page. I watch with wonder what seems important and attractive to folks, and how they respond to my business activity posts. I have just recently, crossed the 1000 fan mark. Those of you who know me well know that I am giving a big uuuuuuuuuwhooooooooo!!! It felt really good to cross that mark. My posts, the little ads, pictures and sales....really seem to attract customers. This past week I did a cyberMonday sale and had a huge response. Still trying to get those orders out....ran out of lids, distributor order a big giant bunch of stuff and well, it has just taken me longer than I thought.

Instead of stressing out..........I remain smiling and know that I'll get there.........and everyone will love the products and me!!! Good feeling for a drama queen...................

Friday, December 3, 2010

12 Hours

Twelve hours is an, admittedly, long time to be on the road. That is, travelling in a car. Despite all the times I get out and stretch, walk the dog etc, I find myself anxious and sooooo ready to be home once I get there. I find that I simply want to "fall into" my surroundings for a day or two.
And....life does not always offer that luxury. I sort of hear a theme song here.........it's chipper, and one moves along.....then as it goes forth....it drags out a bit.

Needless to say, I came home from this journey to lots of orders, mail to catch up on and the usual things of life, bills, production issues, pet needs, home needs etc etc etc or, as I prefer to say, blah blah blah...........

And this is all, not to say, that I most definitely love my "personal" time in a car with the dog. I drive along. I observe my surroundings. And I must say that EVERY time I travel, I notice something I did not notice the time before. And, did I mention I have travelled this route hundreds of times. anyway....there is a pearl of wisdom in every journey...this journey

love, really love and appreciate where you are at, see your future with a great big smile......and that love will carry you to where you are going. Not profound for sure....but it hit me like a great big brick.